Hello, I'm Dr. Tracy Clemans and today I would like to talk with you about a skill that can help you care for yourself through difficult times: the practice of self-compassion.
If you work in a helping profession, you've likely been encouraged to show compassion toward the people you serve. But how often do you offer that same compassion to yourself? Self-compassion is the practice of treating yourself with the same kindness, understanding, and care you would give a dear friend who was struggling. Research shows that self-compassion can reduce burnout, lower stress, and build resilience—qualities every helping professional needs.
Self-compassion has two sides, often described using the concepts of yin and yang. The yin side of self-compassion is focused on being with ourselves. It involves comforting, soothing, and validating. The yang side is about our acting in the world. It involves protecting, providing for, and is the motivating side of self-compassion. Both sides are essential, and together they form a complete practice of caring for yourself.
Let me tell you about Marcus. Marcus is a therapist at a community mental health center, where he has provided services to adult survivors of trauma for the past eight years. Lately, Marcus has been feeling exhausted as his caseload has grown. He is experiencing intrusive thoughts related to the trauma his clients have discussed, more withdrawn socially and increasingly worried about his personal safety. He has been more irritable, leading to him regularly snapping at his partner, sleeping poorly, and finds himself avoiding some of his more challenging clients. Marcus is experiencing secondary traumatic stress (STS) and it's time for him to practice self-compassion as a way to help with some of these symptoms.
Let's start with the yin side. First, Marcus focuses on comforting himself—taking care of his emotional needs. He calls his closest friend on the drive home one evening to share how he's been feeling. Next, Marcus thinks about soothing himself—making his body feel physically calmer. He takes a warm shower after work and practices five minutes of slow, deep breathing before bed. Finally, Marcus works on validating his feelings. Instead of telling himself he should be more resilient or that other people have it harder than him, he says to himself, "Of course I'm exhausted. I've been holding space for people in pain every day. My feelings make sense."
Now let's turn to the yang side. First, Marcus considers protecting himself. He recognizes that staying late every night to catch up on notes is harming his well-being, so he decides to begin leaving the office every night by six o'clock. Next, he thinks about providing for himself—giving himself what he needs. He schedules a consultation with a colleague to talk through a particularly difficult case he's been carrying alone. Finally, Marcus works on motivating himself with kindness rather than criticism. Instead of saying, "You need to get it together," he tells himself, "You care deeply about your clients. Taking care of yourself will help you keep showing up for them."
Notice how the two sides work together. The yin side helps Marcus to be able to be present and sit with his difficult feelings, while the yang side helps him take meaningful action to improve his situation.
If you're struggling with issues similar to Marcus right now, I invite you to try this practice. Bring to mind a difficult situation that you're facing related to your professional work. As you think about this situation, write down your answers to these questions: 1) What is one thing you can do to comfort, soothe, or validate yourself? 2) And finally, what is one thing you can do to protect, provide for, or motivate yourself with kindness?
Self-Compassion isn't a one-time fix. It's a practice that becomes easier and more natural the more you use it. And it's one of the most powerful tools you have to stay well at work!